This Christian's Thoughts on the Death Penalty

In 2000 my stepson, Dustin Arnwine, died. Through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, my husband felt compelled in court to forgive the man responsible for his death. I'm always shocked by the response of many Christians when I tell them I'm against the death penalty. I could talk for a long time about the injustices in our current judicial system regarding this issue. But the truth is I didn't come to this position because of that. I am against the death penalty because I follow Jesus and I believe He doesn't want me to support it.

If you are a Jesus follower, here are a few things I hope you will prayerfully consider.

A few thought from the New Testament

We are now dwelt with the Holy Spirit and commanded to love our enemies Luke 6:27,28. In John 8 when the woman was caught in adultery, Jesus stopped the stoning and told her to go and sin no more, in effect he stopped her execution. Stephen, the first Christian martyr, as he was dying “fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.” Acts 7:60


What does Jesus say about murder?

Matthew 5:21-22: You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Matthew 5:38-39: You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

I believe all human life is sacred. We are all made in God's image. He loves everyone, and has the power to change anyone. Need some proof of this? Just check out Abounding Love Ministries , its just one example of what God is currently doing through a convicted murderer:

Getting Ready for an IEP

I'm getting ready for my son's 10th grade IEP. After homeschooling him through Junior High we now have him in High School. He is fully mainstreamed, without an assistant, with all college prep classes. My main goal is to prepare him to be as independent as possible while we still have the bubble of High School. I also want to make sure that he has the opportunity to learn and do well. So this is the list of educational concerns I have for G. (I always call them "considerations" in IEP's because I am very careful to use neutral language during IEP's, I may post on that another time.)

Educational Considerations for G Arnwine

Visual Learner:
G learns best by watching. It is important he has a clear view of the teacher and any demonstrations. Visual examples allow G to work independently.

Auditory Processing:
G does not always process all of the information he hears. He has learned to compensate by nodding & saying ‘yes’ or ‘OK’ when speaking to people. Note: he may not always realize he didn’t process what the teacher has told him. To be sure he understands directions or an explanation ask him to clarify for you or restate what you have said. You can ask him simple questions like:

• “Tell me what you need to do.”
• “What do you need to bring tomorrow?”
• “How will you turn in your work?”

Background noise/ student distractions:
Because auditory processing is difficult for G it is very important that he not sit next to noisy students. If he tells you he can’t hear, or he can’t concentrate it will not get better, unless he is moved or the problem is dealt with.

Executive Functioning:
(Executive functions allow us to anticipate outcomes and adapt to changing situations. The ability to form concepts and think abstractly are often considered components of executive function. ) G is very good about doing assignments, he is conscientious and wants to do a good job. He may not know or remember how and when to turn in assignments especially if asked to do something in a manner that is not routine. This can be the case with make up assignments.

He needs help problem solving. What may seem like a simple solution to you may need to be spelled out for G. He has trouble connecting the dots.

Social Interaction:
G does not know how to initiate social interaction. This puts him at a disadvantage for group activities & partner quizzes he will need help getting into a group. This can be as simple as G why don’t you partner with _______ or G join group____.

G often interprets things people say literally. He often does not understand sarcasm. From time to time he has run into situations with his classmates that he will need help with. This also sets him up for bullying.

Social problems will affect G’s academic performance. G has problems focusing on more than one thing. If he is stuck trying to solve a social problem, he can’t focus on class work. We saw this first semester in Science.

Not Just Spirited Book Review

I recently read “Not Just Spirited” a Mom’s Sensational Journey with Sensory Processing Disorder by Chynna T. Laird. The story chronicles Chynna’s journey toward a diagnoses and finding help for her daughter with Sensory Processing Disorder.

From the time little Jamie is born, she is a very difficult child. As Chynna shares her concerns with her pediatrician and family she is constantly dismissed. It is only when Jamie’s difficulties become so pronounced that the pediatrician makes the recommendation Jamie needs for an evaluation.

When Jamie is finally diagnosed with SPD she is put on endless waiting lists. Since Jamie only has SPD she is not given the same priority for intervention as another child might receive. I wish this was a piece of fiction, but unfortunately this is happening all over the United States and Canada.

Its one thing to work with special needs children; it is quite another thing to live with one. I think every professional that works with special needs children should read this book. Chynna paints a poignant picture of the stress and desperation of raising a child with special needs. It’s not OK for parents to fight for years to have their concerns for their child addressed. It’s not OK when parents finally receive a diagnosis to watch their child struggle while they are put on endless waiting lists with no significant help!

SPD is still not in the DSM maybe we should send a copy of this book to the members of the committee.

Blog Interview

I was interviewed by Caitlin Wray of Welcome to Normal. You can read the interview here.

Facing the Boogie Man: Being Flexible Part 2

As I mentioned in the last post, G has been very agitated and angry because he realized he had not been keeping up on the new Clone Wars episodes. This all came to a head again last weekend because the Clone Wars finale was scheduled. As most of us know people with autism rely heavily on routines. I believe some routines are good especially in school and work. Routines can help people with autism be more independent and less anxious.

However, an over reliance on routines can make a person become inflexible and agitated when their routine is not followed. This was our case with the Clone Wars.

I try to consistently break up G's routines and give him little challenges. The hard part for me is that many times he develops routines that I am not aware of. When these routines are disrupted he gets very upset. He feels like something bad will happen to him if they are broken. Well sometimes you've gotta face the boogie man.

In our case, this meant watching the shows out of order. So I sent the Hubbo and GA out and sat G down to watch an episode out of order. At first G didn't want to. So I bribed him with an iTunes card and Oreos. He cried as we started the first episode and was very tense. As he started watching I saw his muscles relax and he became interested in the show. We then continued to watch episodes, as many as we could, until he was caught up. He was worried he would not understand what was happening, but he was able to follow just fine.

After the shows were over I let G go and relax in his room. The next day I talked with him about what happened. He was relaxed so I could explain to him that it was nobody's fault that he missed an episode. We talked about feeling like hitting someone and making the choice not to hit. I let G now how proud I was that he didn't hit anyone and that he made a wise choice. I also reminded him that this is a very important choice because he is big and can hurt someone badly without meaning to.

Its very important now that I help G understand his actions, that I debrief him. I have found its best to wait a day before we talk. When he is agitated it is harder for him to focus on what I am saying to him. I do this because:

I'm trying to help him celebrate his good choices so he feels good about himself.

I want to remind him of important life lessons and possible consequences of bad choices.

I want to take advantage of every teaching opportunity possible, because at this point he is open to it.

It's Hard to be Flexible

This weekend G has been very agitated and angry because he realized he had not been keeping up on the new Clone Wars episodes. Star Wars is a big deal for him, but Air shows are bigger and Dad had taken him to some shows the last few weekends.

G searched the Internet and realized he was three episodes behind. He thought he could watch them online. However, one episode was not available at Cartoon Network.
I tried to explain to G and that it’s OK to watch certain shows out of order. However, he replied "That's not the way I do things. I like to watch things in order it’s the way I do it." An hour of Internet searching revealed that he could only watch a "grainy" version of the missing episode.

This led to anger, frustration, then blaming his sister. G started saying it was all her fault. "She should have let me on the computer when I wanted to." When he gets like this I have to address it quickly. He can become very mean; shaking fists feeling like he wants to hit her...

I explained that this was not his sister's fault. G had lots of time after school to get on the computer. He could have talked to me and I would have scheduled time for him. We talked about his sister for about five minutes, and then it became Dad's fault. (God give me strength here...)

Again I had to talk to him and explain that it was not Dad's fault. Still feeling angry, G decided to focus his energy on how horrible our house is. Being angry at inanimate objects is better than nothing so I let it go. We were dealing with this for a good 45 minutes and I needed a break!

Frustrated, I lamented my situation on Twitter. I noticed @myautisticson (love him) happened to be tweeting about meltdowns. He ran out of apple juice at his house which started some commotion. We tweeted and he shared his strategy, which boils down to this: alleviate the anxiety by helping your child understand how the problem will be resolved.

He shared the example of his son getting upset because there was no more apple juice. He showed his son the empty bottle of juice then explained that he would take a shower, get dressed, go to the store, buy juice and bring it home. This took away the unknown of when the juice would arrive and his son was fine.

Well I tried this approach.

I went into G's room, he was still upset. I took in some paper and a pencil because sometimes it helps to write when he gets like this. I said son, let's talk about your Clone Wars problem. Immediately he got angry and said, "I can't watch them out of order." I said, "Here let’s write down the steps to fix this." His reply, "that's stupid I don't want to do that." (Thanks a lot puberty!) At this point I thought out loud, "maybe our neighbor's have the episodes on TiVo since their son is a fan." Well guess what, the neighbors ARE GONE this weekend. The son has been going outside to look for their truck on the hour every hour since I said this. Its 10:00pm Saturday night, his PJs are on and I told him no more going out side.

Lord have mercy, pray for me!

Love Yourself Get Some Sleep

Did you know that lack of sleep, or insomnia, is one of the signs of depression? Lack of sleep alone can't cause depression, but it can make it worse. Now take into account that many children with autism sleep poorly.

A study by the UC Davis Mind Institute found that children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) woke up in the middle of the night way more than typically developing kids regardless of their cognitive ability (Krakowiak P, Goodlin-Jones B, Hertz-Picciotto I, Croen LA, Hansen RL).

At one point I figured I had not slept through the night in over five years. When my son started sleeping through the night I still couldn't. It was like my body had become hyper vigilant. I could wake up at the slightest sound. For several years I would wake up and do work, think, or read. I started to rationalize this behavior as my alone time. My time to be productive. However, the truth was my poor sleep was escalating my depression and making it difficult for me to be productive during the day.

So with the encouragement of a therapist I began a journey to learn to sleep again. I began by exercising good sleep hygiene:

• I started to go to bed at the same time every night.


• I stopped drinking caffeine after lunch.
  
• I started to read before I went to sleep. Did you know most people only need to read for about 15 minutes and then they fall asleep? However, TV can actually keep you awake. The theory is the lights from the TV actually stimulates your brain.


• I made sure to have dinner at a regular time well before I went to sleep (around 6:00).


• I made sure the bedroom temperature felt comfortable.


• To help keep the noise level low I started sleeping with a fan. At first this made me uncomfortable. I thought what if my son did get up I couldn't hear him? So I bought a baby monitor and set the volume on high. If my son did get up I would hear him over the white noise.


• Some nights I couldn't stop thinking about things. I would work out problems in my head, make lists and think of them over and over again. I started keeping a small notepad by my bed. When my thoughts were keeping me awake, I would write them down. This helped me to relax and go to sleep.


• I also had to stop taking naps during the day.

At first I had to use drugs to go to sleep. After I got into a pattern I began to wean myself off them. It took almost a year, but it was really worth it. If you are not getting sleep, and your kid is sleeping through the night, please take care of yourself and make a commitment to retrain your body to sleep again.