Sunday, June 17, 2007

Visiting Home

I just got back from visiting Ojai, CA the place I grew up. I stayed at my brother's house and my kids had their fill of fishing, bee bee shooting and swimming. It was a great time, but its hard to go there because of rumblings from the past.

Years ago I had a hard decision to make. It was summer and my family lived on the border of the Los Padres National forest. One night my father and I sat outside under the stars and talked about options. As we talked I watched thousands of stars and felt warm Santa Ana breezes brush against my face. Our discussion ended with my Dad saying "I will always be there for you." That night was perfect, peaceful and happy. Soon after that my father left my mom and our relationship evaporated. Flash forward to today: Father's Day. I called my father, it was civil, pleasant, shallow.

Today I read in my bible about a God who says things like "never will I leave you, nor forsake you." Or "draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so you can receive mercy and help in time of need." It sounds so good, too good to be true viewing it through the lens of my experience. Its hard to grasp the idea that you can be completely and consistently loved by God even if all you are doing is breathing. My soul craves this kind of love, deep down inside if we are all honest don't we all need it?

OK this is too much to think about I'm walking to Saxbys.

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